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Aku perempuan. Ya sudah tentu hati aku lembut. Hati yang sering disakiti berkali-kali dan sedang mengambil langkah berjaga-jaga seolah aku akan dikecewakan untuk yang ke berapa kali lagi. Aku sayang. Tapi aku tak tunjuk. Sebab apa? Sebab aku taknak dan tak akan tunjuk yang aku beria sayangkan kau. Mungkin disebabkan ego tapi mungkin juga tidak. Aku bodoh. Sebab jatuh hati terhadap kau. Tapi apakan daya. Memang fitrah seorang manusia ingin mencintai dan dicintai oleh seseorang. Aku kadang-kadang terfikir. Apa aku dapat kalau aku sayangkan seseorang dengan melampau? Adakah betul dia cinta sejati aku? Adakah betul dia bakal menjadi imamku sekaligus menjadi bapa kepada anak-anakku kelak? Aku buntu. Tapi, ya InshaAllah, kalau kita rasa dia yang terbaik untuk kita, kita cuba jaga hubungan itu dengan sebaik mungkin. Tapi ada satu benda kita kena ingat, nak jaga hubungan tu bukannya dari sebelah pihak sahaja tapi dari kedua-dua belah pihak. InshaAllah bahagia sehingga syurgaa :) Jauh dari sudut hati aku, ada satu benda yang aku simpan. Benda yang aku tak sanggup nak fikir. Bila difikirkan, tanpa disangka air mata jatuh mengalir. Ya Allah , sakit cemburu dia tu memang aku tak sanggup nak tahan nak disimpan didalam hati ini. Kadang-kadang aku rasa macam tidak adil. Apa ya yang ada pada perempuan tu sehinggakan aku cemburu buta sampai tahap sebegini? Ya jawapannya aku tahu. Aku takut untuk kehilangan orang yang aku sayangi tapi kenapa aku takdapat nak kawal perasaan yang betul-betul memakan hati tu. Bila aku dengar kau contact dengan kawan perempuan kau yang rapat-rapat serious aku rasa macam nak maki hamun kau. Kau tahu kenapa? Sebab bila aku contact dengan kawan-kawan lelaki aku kau cemburu. Menggelepar . Meroyan tak ingat dunia. Cemburu babi buta. Tak sedar diri sendiri. Aku dah cuba sedaya upaya aku untuk tak melayan lelaki lain tapi bila aku ingat balik semula , eh kenapa aku tak boleh ? Ya aku boleh. Aku pun nak tengok cemburu babi buta kau tu tahap mana. Biar kau tahu sakit dia, perit dia, menahan rasa cemburu tu dalam hati. Tapi aku salah. Aku ingat bila aku balas kau akan faham. Rupanya tidak. Kau masih dengan cara kau. Ok aku ok. Dah lama aku simpan perasaan ni. Hati aku dah macam kain buruk asyik diperah diperah dan diperah. Okaylah. Cemburu itu biasa bila dah sayang. Kawal. Kalau tak kawal hati sendiri yang merana. Assalamualaikum.
Hahahahahahahahaha konon nak buat video birthday untuk AMIN tapi segan so terpaksa pakai topeng PSY ni hahahahaha memang takboleh blah. Karut karut ._. tapi special untuk awak hahahahaha.
Dear Mohamad Zul Amin Bin Othman , Happy Birthday to the one who has made my life so special. I hope that all your dreams come true. Enjoy your special day! You should know how deep I am in love with you . It has been confirmed by my heart that I am in love with you 100% . Aku harap aku dapat jadi yang terbaik untuk kau . Aku harap niat kau nak jadi imam kepada aku dan anak anak kita kekononnya nanti akan jadi kenyataan AMIN YA ROBBAL ALAMIN :') . Walaupun suatu hari nanti hubungan kita terputus dipertengahan jalan , aku harap kau takkan lupakan aku , mungkin tu lebih baik kan hahaha malas nak tulis lebih lebih nanti nampak sangat jiwang hahaha k PEACE . Tapi sumpah siotttt aku sayang kau hahahaha aku selesa dengan kau , aku tak segan dengan kau , aku boleh buat lawak bodoh dengan kau , aku boleh bergurau kasar dengan kau , tak macam lelaki lain , aku memang segan gilaaaa babengg hahahahahahahha .
Sumpah aku happy dapat jumpa kau tadi , aku happy gilaaaa , aku sayang kau ah senang cerita hahahaha . Aku taktahu macam mana nak cakap lagi an an an hahahahaha thanks for teddy bear tu hahahahahahha aku hargai gila-gila . Tapi kalau mung curang , mung boleh ANGKAT KAKI DAN JALAN hahahahaha tapi sumpah aku percayakan kau ^^ ILOVEYOUSOMUCH AKU SAYANG KAU LAH BERUKKKKK ♥ Sebenarnya pergi rumah syikin nak buat kerja lah KEKONONYA tapi tengok apa yang terjadi hahahaha biar gambar yang membuktikan segalanyaa ~             And sebenarnya kitaorang suka-suka buat gwiyomi jalanan ~ hahahahaha shhh shhhh tapi taknak bagitahu orang ramai . Kami bukan batak T.T        
I am afraid to mess everything up. i am afraid that i will destroy my life. i am afraid of losing the people i love because of my own actions. If my close friends were to leave me for their own choices, it would be hard. but if it were something that i could have done differently or something i did that caused them to leave - it would be incredibly difficult to forgive myself over. So perhaps it is a curse that i often speak without thinking, feel without understanding and jump without looking. i think back to key moments where i destroyed friendships. there was rarely drama that went with that friendship at the end… just a few words spoken by me and none spoken by them as they began to push me away. I am terrified that people are going to push me away. that i am not special to anyone. i am afraid that no one really loves me. and that those who love me will stop loving me. it haunts itself into every aspect of who i am as a person. it changes my extroverted nature to become fearful and hide away into anxiety and fears of who i am. i do not want to hurt anyone - not because it is mean but honestly because i don’t want people to change their mind about me. my life that i have lived is full of people changing their minds about me. one day they love me but then i am told that i messed that up. they may still love me, like my mom, but they don’t like me much anymore. or they stop loving me. or they begin to manipulate me because of my willingness to make things up to them. there are times where i have done things i regret and i let someone say something or do something to me that i would not have let them do if i had not hurt them. it is my way of making up my mistakes. some of it, i regret allowing them to do. i was always - i am always - so focused on the short-term in friendships. that being said, i am hardly a loving person. my friends may call me quick tempered or easily distracted. the words “i love you” are scary to say out loud. i seem to be full of a self-destruction pattern that i cannot rid myself of. and yet people still love me. but what if people love me because of who i am? or something that i have done? then i could lose their love. there are few people who i am certain love me ONLY and ONLY because of a choice to love me. people who have stuck with me when i bring no benefit to them whatsoever and have helped me when i have tried to hurt them. but even these people i am afraid to lose. i wonder if i am on a last leg with them and it will only be a matter of time before i lose them. i live in the valley of fear. it overtakes me. i see no light. i know that there is light. i know God has a way out. i know that following Him takes me there. but i am so paralyzed by my own fear that i cannot see it or place my confidence fully upon it. i think only that i will walk outside His will and lose everything i love. that my path is narrow - so narrow that one misstep will cause me to fall down a mountaintop. i do not understand what it means to walk in peace at all times. or to know the love of others. or to fully grasp the love of God. To all the people along the way who hurt me , lied to me , betrayed me , disappointed me , broken my heart . . you unknowingly pointed me in the direction of my own North Star . Without the messes , I wouldn't have a message . You taught me more than you could ever take from me . Thanks for everything . The world is round . All kinds of people that we can be found on this Earth . Different face , different shape , different voice , different attitude , different heart but we are Allah's creation . Ayah always said this to me "You're still young , when you grow up , you can found many attitude of people , bad or kind , that's up to them , so takecare , don't easily trust people" . That advice , that support , for his daughter's always keep in my mind . But actually , thanks to them . Because of them , I knowed the real meaning of be cheated , be betrayed , be dissapointed , be hurt . The more I feel the pain , the more I becareful of people around me . The feeling is the worst feeling ever . I hate the part when i'm start to cry because all this challenges from Allah . But it's okay . This is what we call LIFE . Life will be nothing without this . Face all the challenges ! Don't scared ! Allah always stay beside you . The more you ask for Allah's help , then he will help you . Just trust me . Today is not your day , but your day's will be arrive . Just be patient . You must make a decision that you are going to move on . It won't happen automatically . You will have to rise up and say "I don't care how hard this is , I don't care how disappointed I am , I'm not going to let this get the best of me . I'm moving in with my life .  Dalam minggu lepas, Abang saya yang pertama dah bertunang yeayyyy *tepuk tangan sambil lompat bintang* Dan bermakna saya dah ada kakak ipar yuhuuuuuuu *tepuk kaki sambil berenang* Opsss BAKAL kakak ipar. Hehehe tahniah diucapkan kepada abang dan tunang a.k.a bakal isterinya. Insyaallah semoga jodoh mereka berkekalan dan sentiasa bahagia aminnnnnnn :)  Dan dalam minggu tu jugak , 2 kali aku pergi Kuantan. Itu pun sebab ambil dan hantar kakak dekat UMP dia dengan abang. So time nak hantar dia tu , saya dengan abang je. Lepas hantar dia tiba-tiba abang nak pergi jejalan dekat kuantan. So saya ikutkan saja. Hari tu, 3 pantai sekaligus kami pergi. Semuanya gara-gara sebab abang nak makan mee calong. Tak tahulah apa yang unik sangat jadi saya cuma hangguk kepala dan ikut. Haishhhhh *mengeluh panjang* . First pergi pantai berserah , then pantai batu hitam dan akhirnya telok cempedakk ! Then round-round lah satu Kuantan tu. Duduk dalam kereta sambil garu-garu kepala tengok pemandangan sekeliling Kuantan. K cukuplah. Letih sebenarnya kalau nak kongsi semua ini. Hehehehe cuti yang tak ada kepuasan langsung. Jealous tengok anak orang kaya asyik post gambar pergi Jepun , Hongkong , England , Paris , ishhhh please nak pergi jugak. Okay saya tahu saya anak orang susah :( . Tapi saya berharap , saya dapat juga pergi holiday di luar negara , Insyaallah , aminnn :') |